What is special about me? Hmmm, that is a good question and the best answer I can come up with is Jesus.
See, I grew up in a family that didn’t really hold a faith. I grew up with friends who were religious and I did have some exposure to church, but “it wasn’t really for me”.
When I was a teenager, my extreme shyness and low self-esteem made way for a lot of depression and anxiety. Life as a high schooler was really hard (who can relate?) and life didn’t get easier as my “sometimes” digestive issues turned chronic overnight when I was 21. Later I was diagnosed with IBS and struggled with many other symptoms.
This was the beginnings of a life filled with struggle, chronic stress, shame, embarrassment, control, and complete desperation.
In my middle 20’s, I went gluten free to see if I would have any relief from my symptoms and I found some, but nothing that lasted. I could suddenly see how much food impacted the body, but I took it to a dangerous level and started to serial diet. Over the next 10 years, I had tried every healing diet known to man. Google became my best friend as I searched tirelessly for answers, ANY sliver of hope. I saw the doctors, I took the tests, I cut the food out, I swallowed a mountain of supplements, and I paid a hefty amount of money to support my “healing habit”.
I was still left empty handed.
Then, one day I started learning about the emotional and spiritual side of the body. I was hearing about channeling, the law of attraction, meditation, and manifestation. The new age took a hold in my life and I didn’t want to let it go. I went so far as to do psychedelics in the Costa Rican jungle just to find an ounce of healing or relief. But, I found more depression, fear, and control.
I was a lost soul.
In 2021, I had just spent $6000 to work with a mentor about channeling and had convinced myself that some being out in the ether (whose consciousness was higher than mine) would have all the answers for me. All this information was making me realize I truly believed in God, as I was agnostic before.
Luckily, Jesus was calling out to me and I picked up the “phone” later that summer.
I went to instagram, of all places, to look at a woman’s profile who was doing the same new age practices I was. Upon going there, I realized all her posts were gone and they were replaced with a few videos about how Jesus saved her. I was shocked, but more importantly, I was shocked that what I might be doing in my life was actually going against God.
In the matter of a month and a half, I had thrown out all my new age possessions and gave my life to God, proclaiming Jesus as my savior.
As a Christian, healing has taken on an interesting role. The first year, my health was the best it ever was, then in 2023 it felt like it completely reversed. In these times, when you think God has given up on you, God shows you who He really is. Since then, in my 35th year of life, I haven’t found the exact answers, but I’ve been on a journey with God – getting to know Him and laying my will aside. He has shown me many things about myself that I believe has led to where I am today – like stress, fears, judgments, control, and idols/addictions.
God’s lessons to me are spread across the pages of this blog. I would love to take claim to them, but really they are God’s; just like my testimony is forever His story, not mine. I pray that the words you find on this blog bring you hope and peace. Sweet soul, whatever you are going through, you are never alone. The One who created you is calling out to you. All you have to do is pick up the “phone”.
I pray you find more intimacy with the One who sees you and He exposes what you really need to see when it comes to stress and your health.